Abortion Healing
One Couple’s Testimony
[Wife] I remember before we came to the Deeper Still retreat, the abortion was mine and Dan’s secret. Even though we had the abortion together, we couldn’t talk to each other about it. Especially when we argued, I could feel bitterness in my heart towards Dan.
More than that, the pain surfaced. When the pain would surface, I would blame my husband for causing the pain. I thought he should take all of the responsibility, but we still didn’t talk about the pain, not even one time.
[Husband] So as a man, we never talk about our abortions. I wouldn’t even want to hear anything about abortions. And so I would separate myself from anything to do with abortion. Now I know, it is a deep shame. I was so afraid to uncover it. Just like the dust under the rug.
I would like to use a beautiful rug to cover it. I would even clean up around it so that it looks nice. But no one would ever see the dust under the rug. No matter what, I’d rather it get it replaced with another new rug, and keep it covered; it’s how I was thinking before I came to the retreat. This was such a stain in my life.
[Wife] At the retreat, first, my identity was restored—God was telling me to focus on Him, and not to worry about how others see me because He has “Paid in Full” for my sins. You just need to put your eyes on Me. Therefore, I was so excited that I got freedom and my identity was restored!
Second, this freedom brings me boldness and courage. This abortion wasn’t something I was proud of, I don’t meant that. I regret it deeply, but I now know that I am accepted by God.
After the retreat, I was able to bring joy, courage, and openness to my husband. I was so happy to tell him about my healing journey. I also asked him to forgive me as a mother and protector of life I failed to take responsibility. I kept telling my husband that the abortion affects men emotionally and physically as well.
After we each went through our own Deeper Still retreat, the unity between us has become so real. The Deeper Still retreat is not just a three-day event, but brings a newness and healing beyond.
[Husband] We never told anyone about the abortion for the past 17 years, but since my retreat, I’m able to share my story freely.
[Wife] I thank God and I am delighted to see my husband rising up to be a voice for life. Our weakness becomes our strength because of Jesus Christ. Our brokenness gets restored because of Jesus Christ. Our dirtiness becomes clean because of Jesus Christ.
So we’re willing to be witnesses to you all to help others go through their post-abortion healing.
我记得当我们还没有经历“更深之处”堕胎后医治的退修会之前，堕胎这件事情实际上是我们两个人之间的秘密
虽然说我们共同渡过了这个过程，但是其中的感受我们根本不 想跟对方去提
尤其是当我们争吵或是有冲突的时候，我心里常常会有那种苦毒和怨恨，甚至是痛苦会暴露出来，浮现出来
我就会去责怪我的丈夫，我觉得有很多问题都是因为他给我造成的痛苦
所以我把责任也是推到他身上，但是我们都不去谈论那个痛苦的根源，或者是我们冲突的那些根源
我们基本上不提这个事情
然后我也不愿意听到关于这个话题（的事情）
我觉得怎么说呢，我就把它隔离起来了
现在我知道了，这是一种深深地羞耻
我害怕把它揭开
就像地毯下的灰尘一样
我喜欢用一张美丽的地毯把它给盖得非常地好
地毯周围的灰尘我（可以）把它扫得干干净净
但是地毯底下的灰尘，我是不愿意碰的
我可以把那个地毯再换了，我一定要把它盖住，这是以前的我的想法
这是我人生中的一个，有时候我觉得是一种耻辱感
所以一方面是我自己的身份感被恢复了，
然后上帝都是告诉我，你定睛在我，不用去看人怎么说你的过往
因为我已经为你付清了罪债，你定睛在我身上
因此，我是特别地兴奋，医治之后我很兴奋，我在身份感上得到了一个尊重和自由，然后也是一个释放
然后，另外一方面就是：这样的自由带给我的是一种勇敢和勇气
我并不是说我有过堕胎的这个经历是一件荣耀的事情，并不表示这个意思
我深深地懊悔，在我懊悔之后，我知道我的懊悔是被接纳了
所以我很渴望，当我得到这样的自由时，我就把我的喜乐，甚至是勇气和敞开全部带到我丈夫的面前
然后告诉他说我经历这样的一个医治
我也希望他能原谅我，因为我在生命的保护职责上面，作为一个母亲没有承担我的责任
然后其实这件事情，也对男性的身体和心理同样有损伤
经过了“更深之处”退修会的医治，我们两个都经历了之后
我觉得最奇妙的一件事情就是我们两个的合一，这是一个很真实的合一
更深之处”退修会并不是一个两三天的事情，在后面慢慢的日子里，它不断地使我们有一些新的发现和更新
以前我们在17年前堕胎的这件事情，我不敢告诉任何人；但这次从“更深之处”回去以后，我可以见到教授和同学就主动跟他们分享
看到我丈夫站起来，为他得自由，为他在医治之后的释放真的是感到非常兴奋和感恩主
我们的软弱因着主，我们得了刚强
而我们的破碎因着主得到了重合
我们的污秽因着主得到了洁净
而从此以后我们也很愿意，真的是在帮助和介绍大家这个退修会事工上面尽很多的力。